How To Wipe Your Ass
(The Kyo Way)
Introduction
Wiping one's ass in an art. One that is unique to each and every individual. But even so, I believe the way I do it is best. :P
PART 1 - The Process
First step is, to take a nice dump. For the best results, don't make it runy, because that will effect how efficient you will be able to wipe your behind.
Now you are ready to wipe! Depending on how thick or thin your toilet paper is plays an important role in sheet selection. If it is very thin, you may want to take a sheet or two more, but if it is thick, well yeah you get the picture. But anyway, let's assume it's normal thickness. A good amount to pull out for the first wipe is about 4 sheets. (sometimes more if your ass is real nasty from a wet turd)
After pulling out the required amount, you fold it in half longways, twice. This gives you much more strengthening for the first messy wipe. Usually, on the very first wipe, I just do one sweep, and then toss it in. But if you aren't too messy, you could get away with a wipe, folding it in half, and then wiping a 2nd time.
After starting off the first few wipes with 4 sheets, you will be able to go down to just 3 sheets. This will be the normal process. Wipe, fold, wipe, toss. Now if you're lucky, you can get away with 3 wipes in one trip. Wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, BAM 2 points! This requires much care not to get poo on your digits. Only seasoned pros can pull this one off.
PART 2 - Technique
I don't know what other people do, but when I wipe, I rub it in there a few times nice and hard to get as much as I can in one swipe. Just gotta be careful not to rub too long, or the asshole fairies will nibble on your pinky. :o
PART 3 - Keep yourself clean!
A very smart thing to do (especially in public toilets) is to lay down toilet paper on the seat before you sit down. I know this seems very stupid to do, but dude, do you really want to rub ass germs with about 100+ other guys? I didn't think so. Also, when flushing (or putting the seat up and down), so as not to get germs on your hands, it's always a good idea to use a sheet of toilet paper when touching the toilet. Another good use for the toilet paper, is that when you are done, it's a good idea to wipe your wang off, instead of relying on just shaking. That way, you can avoid any and all pee stains you might get in your underoos.
And finally...... WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS EVERY TIME!!!! Thank you.